You know how this one goes. You get fed up with how things have been, you decide this is the week it all changes, and for a while you’re flying. You’re up early, the gym bag is packed and the drinking has stopped. Then a big job lands, one of the kids gets ill or you have a couple of bad nights’ sleep, and a fortnight later you’re back where you started, only now with the added feeling that you’ve let yourself down again.
If that’s a familiar pattern, I doubt you’re short of discipline. Most of the men I work with are capable, hard-working people who hold everything else together, so it’s worth asking why this one area keeps slipping.
Motivation is a poor foundation
Motivation feels wonderful when it’s there, which is why we build our plans around it, but it’s the first thing to disappear when you’re tired, stressed or busy. Any plan that needs you to feel fired up every day will collapse on the days you need it most. That doesn’t say anything about your character. It tells you the plan was designed for your best week, and most weeks aren’t your best week.
There’s also a trap in the all-or-nothing approach many men take. You commit to five gym sessions, a complete diet overhaul and a new morning routine at the same time, and when you miss one you decide the whole thing has failed. So one missed session becomes a missed week, then a missed month.
Build for your worst week
A better question than “what could I do if everything went well?” is “what could I still do on a bad day?” If the answer is ten minutes of exercise rather than an hour, then ten minutes is your baseline, and anything beyond it is a bonus. You’ll be surprised how much a small action done consistently does for your confidence, because every time you follow through you collect a little more evidence that you’re someone who does what he says.
Pick one thing to change first. Tie it to something that already happens, such as stretching while the kettle boils or going for a walk straight after dropping the kids off, so you don’t have to rely on remembering. Then make it as easy as you can by getting your kit out the night before, removing what tempts you and deciding in advance when and where you’ll do it.
Expect to miss a day
You will miss a day, so plan for it. The rule that has helped a lot of men is simply never to miss twice. One missed session is just life happening, and the only thing that matters is what you do next. Being hard on yourself rarely gets you back on track. It usually keeps you off it for longer, because if every slip feels like failure, stopping altogether starts to look like the easier option.
The habit that has really stuck for me is the gym, and I think I know why. There’s no goal or expectation attached to it. It’s simply about working my body in a way it badly needs. So when I miss sessions, which I do, especially after a flare of ulcerative colitis, I don’t beat myself up and I can get back to it quickly.
It also helps to know why you’re doing this at all. “I should get fitter” won’t get you out of bed on a cold morning in January, whereas “I want to have the energy to be properly present with my kids” might. The clearer your reason, the less you’ll need to argue with yourself.
If you’re tired of starting again, let’s talk about what would actually hold. Book a free 30-minute discovery call
Why a bit of accountability helps
Plenty of men can tell you exactly what they should be doing. What’s usually missing is someone in their corner who notices when things slip, asks the honest question and helps them adjust the plan instead of abandoning it. That’s a large part of what coaching is for. We look at what’s getting in the way, build routines that fit your real life and keep tightening them, so that you aren’t relying on willpower.
I see men in Tavistock and Saltash, online, or out walking on West Dartmoor, and the first step is a free conversation with no obligation.
Book your free 30-minute discovery call
You can also read more about 1:1 performance coaching, or email me at hello@jeffdawson.co.uk if you’d rather start there.
I’m not a crisis service. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 999. For urgent mental health support, call NHS 111 and choose option 2, or call Samaritans free on 116 123, any time.
Photo by Yishen Ji on Unsplash